It’s always very satisfying to get something for nothing. I don’t know about you, but scrubbing my particulars with a small sachet of free shower gel has always made me far happier than doing the same job with a large squirt of Radox (other brands are available…)
I’m sure you feel the same. Today though, Captain Scorn has discovered a person who is undoubtedly the freebie champion. Read about his bizarre exploits here, at the 39 dollar experiment.

Spin-off TV series don’t work (unless it’s Frasier, but that’s the one spin-off that does work and it’s the only one that’s ever trotted out as proof). Think: Joey, K9 and Company, Catwoman…

But now exciting news from Britain: Postman Pat’s lovable cat, Jess, is going to star in his own TV show. The deal, reported to be worth several tins of kit-e-kat and a new scratching post, has been signed, sealed and delivered and its only a matter of time before the new ‘educational’ (yawn, yawn) series hits the screens.

Jess: “meeeow”

Asked about Jess’ new contract, Pat mumbled something incomprehensible before revealing that his own script, featuring Jess’ trip to the vet to be neutered, had been turned down by the BBC. “The cbbc bosses are a bunch of silly arses,” said Pat. “This is what being a cat is all about in real life.”
Pat also revealed that his professional relationship with Jess is now over after the cat wouldn’t return his calls asking whether he’d get a walk-on part in the new show. “I couldn’t give a toss,” said an angry Pat. “I wish I’d run that backstabbing feline over, like in the song.”

Meanwhile Jess says he’s excited about the new show. “Meeeeow,” he said before going back to licking his nethers.

News of the day…

THE union of Serbia and Montenegro has pulled out of the Eurovision Song Contest after its two constituent republics came close to a brawl over the choice of a song.
The contest in Belgrade to choose the union’s entry ended with the mainly Serb audience booing the Montenegrin group, No Name, when they tried to perform their winning song. The crowd was convinced that Montenegrin judges had rigged the voting and guards had to escort the nameless winners from the hall. The organisers decided to pull out yesterday.
“If we can’t sing in harmony it’s better we don’t appear in Europe,??? said Aleksandar Tijanic, the head of Serbian state TV.

Vote Aleksandr Tijanic for “understatement of the year”!
Source: The Times (no less)

Eurovision the poster (check out the hearts and the love!!)…

…and Eurovision Balkan style as one of the competitors gets ready for the vote

Captain Scorn’s out-of-office reply

Hi,

I am out of the office until 4pm this afternoon (16th March). I will then be doing an entire day’s work from 4-5pm! Meanwhile, for urgent matters please contact [name withheld] or [another name withheld]

Thank you,

[Secret identity]

The Jesuits have got into the 21st Century by producing mp3 prayers called… wait for it Pray as you Go. (Yes, that would have been funnier if I hadn’t used it in the title - don’t get sarky with me!)

Mind you it reminds me of that alleged prayer the rabbis have thanking Jehovah after a successful bowel movement. Althought, that’s pray after you go, I suppose (unless you’re seriously constipated!!)
Read more here.

Hmmm, I’m not sure celebrity chefs should be allowed to breed anyway.
Click here.

A facetious comment on Sarcasmo about muslims and Danish pastries has now come true:

Tehran
Iranians looking for Danish pastries now have to ask for ‘Roses of the Prophet Muhammed’. The change was ordered by the confectioners’ union in retaliation for cartoons of the Prophet that were first published in a Danish newspaper.

Thanks to the National Secular Society for this.

Bet you thought they’d never be able to do a live action version of The Simpsons opening sequence.

Well, you’d be wrong!

There are times when I wish the sarcasmobile had an autopilot so I could let it drive me to work and take interesting photos on the way.

Today’s contender for ‘I wish I had a camera right now’ moment of the day was the red car in front of me at a traffic island, which had the following slogan emblazoned in yellow on its bumper:
“Busty and Lusty Kissograms [Phone number]”

The car’s registration was… wait for it…

T11TTY

You can’t make this sort of thing up.