It’s the news that few people were waiting for or care about - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have had a baby daughter. The press release was short and mercifully free of scientology terminology. We don’t know if Katie was bound and gagged so she couldn’t make any noise. We don’t know if Tom munched on the placenta, as he had promised to do. We do however know the name of the poor unfortunate child, which is Suri. We’ve been told that this means ‘princess’ in Hebrew and ‘red rose’ in Persian. What they have failed to mention, though, is that in Japanese the name means ‘pickpocket‘.