If you’re a doctor, and English is not your first language, you’ll be wanting to take a look at this link:

Click here.

I have it on good authority that this is absolutely genuine.

The vagaries of indefinite job descriptions mean that occasionally I have to learn new things and go to interesting places. Like today, when I was sent to get a load of lamps for a video shoot. Assured that the place I was getting them from was “just off so-and-so road” I set out naively thinking it would soon be sorted.

Bloody miles later I reached my destination hidden away on a sprawling industrial estate. After driving so far I thought I was about to drive into the sea I pitched up next to a warehouse , went inside and asked for the items I’d been sent to collect.

“I’ve come for a crate of redheads…”

I have a theory. It goes like this. Techies are just like computer geeks, except they? climb ladders. So it should come as no surprise that techies refer to lamps as ‘redheads’, ‘blondes’, ‘brunettes’, etc. Because this is possibly the only time in his life that a pasty-faced pimple-encrusted black t-shirted techie will be able to casually say: “I’ve got a few redheads in the car, and I’m picking up some blondes in five minutes. It’s going to be a fun night.”

Of course, I could be wrong. But I’m not.

It is time for Sarcasmo to take a moment, to mourn the passing of the marriage of Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. Why, you may ask, has it all ended now, after four short years? Well, apparently…

Poor old Guy Goma. The Congolese student went for a job interview at the BBC and ended up answering questions about Apple vs Apple on News 24 because of a mix up.? Guy the expert was still waiting in the lobby when the wrong Guy went on TV. What are the odds of two guys called Guy turning up for an interview at the same time? And Sarcasmo wonders who’s going to get the blame for this. You wouldn’t want to be the fall guy, would you?

Guy Goma: “I wondered why they were asking me those questions!”

Read the story and watch the interview here!

As ludicrous as it sounds, Stilton are launching a perfume! They are, they say, looking to “recreate the earthy and fruity aroma” of the cheese “in an eminently wearable fragrance”. Who in their right mind would ’stick on the stilton’ before hitting the pubs and clubs?

?

They are currently looking for a famous face to front an advertising campaign for the perfume. Suggestions, please!

My mate managed to fit his gob around the top of a pint glass then tip back the guinness! I tried it, my mouth wasn’t nearly stretchy enough. Well done steve

They’re a puzzling breed, robbers. Famous throughout the world for their collective stupidity, there’s barely a week that goes by without reports of their dazzling incompetence appearing in the global press.

Take Mario Caracoza, for example.? He recently held up a branch of the Bank of America (successfully, too!), but from? that point things started to go downhill.? Having escaped the bank with $4000, he started to run away. Well done sir, that is indeed the correct thing to do. However, he then stopped… for pancakes! His arrest followed shortly after.

When asked recently whether or not he was dog lover, Prince Henrik of Denmark said “Yes, absolutely.” He went on to add, “I like them delicately sliced, lightly fried and served on a plate.” Tastes like rabbit, apparently. Bear in mind that in the past he has reccommended to parents that they should “bring up their children like dogs???. And then what? Eat them?

Therefore, I am posting an urgent appeal for one of these!

All donations gratefully received.