I remember when condom machines just sold condoms. yesterday at my local cinema I found one that sold mint tic tacs, condoms and… neurofen.

My first thought was that if you need neurofen as well as condoms, then you’re obviously doing something wrong.

Then it struck me. You’ve pulled in the cinema. You need some johnnies. Best get some neurofen, just in case when you get back to her place she says, “You know what, I think I’ve got a headache after all…” That’s when you produce the neurofen. “Never mind, love. Sorted. Now get your kit off.”

(NB: I’d have taken a photo for you all to see what I mean, but last time I took some photos in a public loo I nearly got six months… but that’s another story)