These are some real-life gems as told to me by some of my friends who are doctors…
- A concerned parent brings in a child who’s skin has worryingly turned orange.
“Has he been eating a lot of carrots?”
“Ooh, no, he can’t stand them.”
(after a pause)
“Does he drink Sunny Delight?”
“Oooh, yes, he loves it! Can’t get enough of it.”
- Imagine if you had to treat a patient called Brian Brain without laughing…
- A young lady comes in. Despite being on the pill, she’s pregnant. Then she explains that she’s been INSERTING the pills because she didn’t know what “ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE” meant!
A breakdown patrol man who came to the rescue of a woman motorist has managed to get her car started using her dog. Juliette Piesley, 39, had changed the battery in her electronic key fob but was then unable to start her car.
When AA patrolman Kevin Gorman arrived at the scene in Addlestone, Surrey, he found its immobiliser chip was missing. Ms Piesley said her dog George had eaten something, and realising it was the chip, he put the dog in the front seat and started the car with the key.
Mr Gorman said: “I was glad to get the car started for the member. They will now have to take George [the dog] with them in the car until things take their natural course.” This has of coruse put the kybosh on any plans for Ms Piesley to go ‘dogging’ this weekend…
“It is the first time that I have had to get a dog to help me to start a car.”
[source BBC news]
A Brazilian referee faces suspension on Tuesday after she awarded a goal that television pictures showed was scored by a ball boy. Pictures showed that after a Santacruzense player shot narrowly wide in the 89th minute, the boy collected the ball with his feet, took it back on to the pitch and tapped it across the line into the net.
(Source: BBC football funnies)
Hurrah for brave little doggies…
With thanks to the Elaine Ranger
A Swiss man caught speeding on a Canadian highway has blamed his actions on the absence of goats on the roads.
The man was caught doing at 100mph in a 60mph zone. The traffic officer who caught him said the Swiss driver had said he was taking advantage “of the ability to go faster without risking hitting a goat”.
Canadian police spokesman Joel Doiron said he had never found a goat on the highways of eastern Ontario in his 20 years of service. “Nobody’s ever used the lack of goats here as an excuse for speeding,” he said. “I’ve never been to Switzerland, but I guess there must be a lot of goats there.”
The driver was ordered to pay a fine of C$360 (£175) for speeding. It’s not known whether Swiss satellite navigation systems include news of goats ahead, or whether Swiss cars have goat-ometers.
It’s a great excuse though, and you can imagine it being used in a number of different crimes. “Sorry officer, I didn’t mean to rob the bank, but there weren’t any goats to stop me…”Read the story on BBC news
What shall we serve? I don’t know… no wait! How about Pringles Gourmet!
That’s right! Because all sophisticated and suave people will want to chow down on fancy pringles… Gordon Ramsay eat your heart out! Look out for these appearing on the menu at all the classiest restaurants soon!
Of course, this is a bit rich coming from a country where the national dish is cheese on toast…