If you thought Osama Bin Laden was a muppet, it might explain why Bert from Sesame Street is backing him on this poster being waved by an irate idiot from Bangladesh.

Andrea was going to be 13 and so her mum and dad decided to get her a mobile phone for her birthday. She was very excited with her present. She loves her phone and can’t wait to show her mates.

The next day she goes shopping to spend her birthday money. Her phone rings and it’s her mum. “Hi love,” says mum. “How do you like your new phone?”

She replies, “I just love it. It’s so small and cool, but there’s one thing I don’t understand.”

“What’s that, love?” says her Mum.

“How did you know I was in Top Shop?”

America: “Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about, I just ran for my life… I thought I was gonna die, he got so close to me.”
Glasgow: “Tw*t wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up ‘n gave him a good boot, then decked him.”

America: “I just wanna get home, away from here… I just wanna get home, I thought I was gonna die.”
Glasgow: “Here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin’ plane!”

America: “There was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn’t know what was happening, I thought I was gonna die.”
Glasgow: “F*ck this fir a kerry oan, moan we’ll get a pint in.”

America: “We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran for my life.”
Glasgow: “A swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws.”

America: “There was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought I was gonna die.”
Glasgow: “There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw B.O basher intae a fire it wis like that.”

America: “I’m too traumatised even to speak, I thought I was gonna die.”
Glasgow “Here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it.”

I think the best thing about this story is the quote from the newly-monikered Mr P Power:

Now it’s Epi Tyrone

Epi Taione, 28, the Tonga player, who can play in the back row or threequarters, has changed his name by deed poll to Paddy Power in a sponsorship deal with the Irish bookmakers. “I haven’t got any Irish heritage, although I’m partial to a nice pint of Guinness and like listening to U2,” the former Newcastle Falcons and Sale Sharks player said. He is 8-1 to score a try against England in the pool A match in Paris on September 28.

Reported in The Times - who says British papers are dumbing down?

Ooops, I don’t think Sony really thought through their mass vandalism of a council block of flats - at least not according to this news report!

I know i shouldn’t laugh but…

“A randy camel has killed its woman owner after apparently trying to mate with her.

The ten-month-old animal, weighing 150kg (23st 8lb), knocked exotic pet lover Pam Weaver to the ground before trying to straddle her.”

Read more at metro.co.uk

This lady owns 130 cats. I would of stopped at around 100.

Forget Hot Deals - order these now because they’re selling fast!